


Bored

by collatorsden_archivist



Category: Life on Mars & Related Fandoms, Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Crack, Moresomes, R/NC-17 - Brown Cortina, Time Period: 1973-1981 (Life on Mars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-06
Updated: 2008-04-06
Packaged: 2019-01-20 16:46:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12437280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collatorsden_archivist/pseuds/collatorsden_archivist
Summary: The Test Card Girl is bored.





	Bored

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Janni, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [the Collators' Den](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Collators%27_Den), which was moved to the AO3 to ensure access and longevity for the fanworks. I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the Collators' Den collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/collatorsden/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Written for the [ Puppet Challenge. Which was only proposed because Loz wanted to read "Test Card Girl/Sock Puppet smut rated NC-17" It's not quite NC-17, as that would be plain wrong, but this fic is therefore dedicated to the wonderful Loz. (And, to the rest of you, I'm so, so sorry.)](http://community.livejournal.com/1973flashfic/)

"I'm bored!" Alice, the Test Card Girl said in a petulant tone. Her clown just stared at her, uncomprehendingly, and she grimaced. "This wasn't how it was supposed to go! It's not fair!"

 

 

She flounced around the small room, and sat down on a small chair. She kicked her heels against the leg for a moment, half-grateful that there was no-one around to scold her for ruining the paintwork. But that meant that there was also no-one around to talk to or to play with.

 

 

She gave a heavy, affected sigh and wailed "It's not fair!"

 

 

"Well, it's not raining," a soft voice rebuked.

 

 

Alice looked around for the source of the comment, but couldn't see anyone. She pouted. "I'm not going to talk to a disembodied voice, you know."

 

 

The voice snorted. "I'm not disembodied. I'm here, over by the desk."

 

 

Alice turned her chair round so she faced the desk behind her. It was painted orange, with lots of stickers and pictures all over it. On top of the desk was a sock with round eyes, staring at her. "Hullo." The sock puppet said.

 

 

Alice waved her fingers a little. "Hello. I'm Alice, who are you?"

 

 

"Oh, I'm just a sock puppet. Nobody important."

 

 

"Huh." She stared for a moment, then shrugged. "It's still not fair, you know."

 

 

The sock puppet would have rolled its eyes if it could. "What isn't?" it asked in long-suffering tone.

 

 

"Sam Tyler," she spat. He was supposed to stay and play with me, not that woman copper. Now I'm on my own, except for Bubbles, and he's not the greatest conversationalist in the world."

 

 

"I thought it was a good result, actually. Or, at least, it was for you."

 

 

"He was supposed to stay with me. Now he's shagging that WDC and not me. Bastard.

 

 

"Ah, you're in love with him."

 

 

"Certainly not." Alice retorted, tartly. "I was just hoping for a chance to break his heart, that's all. Oh, and to get a little bit of ‘how's your father'." She eyed the sock puppet and a calculating look crossed her face. 

 

 

"You know, here's you and here's me." She winked. "How about it, gorgeous?"

 

 

The sock puppet was taken aback. "No!" it exclaimed.

 

 

Alice got up and crossed over to the desk. "Oh, go on. She lowered her voice a little. "I'll let you go down on me…"

 

 

"Aren't you a little underage?" the sock puppet remarked, nervously, trying to sidle away from her.

 

 

"I am as unchanging as the Universe, almost as old, twice as pretty."

 

 

"It's still disturbing. And what about me? I'm a sock puppet, I'm a little deficient in the bedroom department."

 

 

Alice drew in closer still, and put a restraining hand on its head. "So's Bubbles. It doesn't stop him from having a good time."

 

 

The sock puppet gulped, wishing, not for the first time, that it hadn't started this conversation with the Test Card Girl.

 

 

"How about a nice game of chess instead?"

 

 

"Only if it's strip chess," Alice grinned.

 

 

"Noughts and crosses?"

 

 

"Oh, I'm bored of noughts and crosses. How about ‘hide the sausage'?"

 

 

"Cluedo?"

 

 

"Doctors and Nurses? I love a man with a stethoscope."

 

 

"Happy Families?"

 

 

"Oh, I prefer Unhappy Families. Pairing up Mr Sock with Miss Red. Much more fun."

 

 

"Let's, let's just talk about this? Eh?"

 

 

Alice bent forward slightly and stared into its eyes. "What a wonderful idea. You've a major advantage over Bubbles, you know."

 

 

The sock puppet stared back. "And what's that?"

 

 

"You can talk dirty to me anytime."

 

 

_fin_


End file.
